The Moment
by addtviictions
Summary: A Collection of moments between Jane and Maura concerning marriage, a boyfriend, and ultimately love.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm not sure how long this will be, perhaps 3 chapters or so? It's odd that I have read so many stories over the years and waited until after the series ended to start writing! Enjoy, guys. Let me know what you think!**  
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 **Jane**

"You are the most important person in her life, Jane, other than myself. I won't ask her if you don't tell me you approve, that you don't think it's what she wants." A blindside, it what it was. He blindsided me. I can see that my visible shock must have peaked Paul's interest as he tilts his head and raises an eyebrow. Paul is a 40 something, tall, italian, suave man Maura has been dating for a few months, well more like 6. He's handsome and kind and I don't hate him. He hasn't disturbed my time with Maura, hasn't treated me mean. He's not a bad guy. But, is he worthy of marrying Maura? Doubtful. No one is deserving, to be honest. Maybe some prince in a far away land. "Oh, I'm… Wow. I don't know, Paul. We've never, I guess, talked about it? So, I wouldn't be able to give you my uh, blessing, I guess? But, I can get back with you."

I'm scatterbrained and my body tingles to bolt as my eyes scan for the nearest exit. I absolutely do not want to be in this conversation right now. I certainly do not want to have it in the cafe of the BPD, either. I'm shocked and confused and I want to leave. I want to go see Maura and I don't want to think about why.

"Yeah, just get back to me please, Jane. Sooner rather than later. I hope you have a good day."

And with that, I run.

As soon as I exited the cafe, my legs took me right where I needed to go, the morgue. Pushing open the door to Maura's office, I spoke. "How do you feel about marriage?" Clearly startling Maura, who had her back turned putting books on her bookshelf, she turned around quickly. She reaches her hand to her heart and responds, "Please, Jane, you simply cannot come in here and start talking at that level. You scared me!"

Crossing my arms, I wait for her response. After a few seconds, I get it.

"Also, what kind of question is that? How do I feel in general? Please, be more specific."

Uncrossing my arms and walking into her office fully, I take a seat on her couch as she sits in her chair. "Yeah, like in general, would you ever want to? Get married?"

I could see she was trying to analyze my expressions, which kind of pissed me off. "Stop doing that! Just answer it, Maura! How do you feel about marriage? Stop looking at me like you need to know how to respond."

Taken back, she snaps at me. "Oh, I'm sorry, Jane! I should know exactly what to say and how to feel since my best friend bursts in my office everyday and screams about marriage! What a common thing between us!" I can tell she's hurt. I can tell that maybe I should've approached this differently. But, I didn't and I still want to know! Why can't she just respond? How hard is this? Taking a long, deep breath, I start doing as I should of to begin with.

"Look, I'm sorry. I just wanted to know, curious, how you felt about it. It's no big deal, I'm sorry for scaring you. Sooooo, Hi Maura. I have a question, how do you feel about marriage?"

"I...I...I don't know. I would love to get married one day, to the right person. It's has always been something so, so intangible that I haven't given it much thought. But why, Jane?"

Realizing I needed to come up with something quick and extremely believable, I word vomited. Words began spilling out of my mouth before my brain could even register what I was saying.

"Well, you see, I was thinking this morning that I may wanted to get married someday. And that it would be nice, to the right person, like the perfect friendship. But, just you know forever. And than I thought about you. That I, um, didn't know how you felt about being married to someone, about marriage. What about Paul? Have you thought about a marriage with him? I am just curious. So, I just came in here and asked."

I blindsided her more than Paul did me. Ever the stoic doctor, the Maura before me was anything but. I'd say her eyes grew 3 times the normal size, her jaw dropped nearly to her chest, and speaking of her chest, it was extremely red (matching her cheeks.) I know my word vomit was scattered and unclear but I didn't think it was that bad.

Knowing I have to backtrack, I speak up again. "I was just wondering. No big deal."

Yeah, that'll make her feel so much better. After spewing all of that nonsense at her, I ended it with that. Standing up from the couch, I swung the door open and exited the morgue.  
_

To say that my head wouldn't stop processing Jane's outburst today was an understatement. I had arrived home from a very draining day at work about an hour ago. Sitting on my couch with a glass of red wine, my living room was engulfed in low melodies. I had came home and tried to make a relaxing atmosphere. I lite a couple of candles, put on some music, and started drinking one of my favorite wines.

Replaying Jane's outburst in my head, I focused on her specific words. She told me she thought about getting married, that she needed her marriage to be a perfect friendship.

She wanted to know specifically how I felt about marriage.

Was she looking for a man whom gave her more than just commitment and love? She wanted a companion whom gave her everything that I do and more. Did she want to replace me as her best friend?

Why did she bring up Paul?

Gulping down the rest of my glass, I close my eyes.

I'm not certain if my head is spinning due to the alcohol or the confusion due to Jane's questions. I have been going over her words and my feelings since I saw her this morning.

Hearing my phone ping, I reach over and grab it from the end table next to the couch. I put my glass on the table as I lean back to read the notification.

 _You never answered my question today, ya know, not that I gave you time_ ….

What do I think about marriage? Marriage in general or with Paul? Again, why did she even bring him up?

Paul and I's relationship has been easy so far. It definitely has had some good moments, but nothing extraordinary. The kisses were great but not fantastic. I saw no fireworks, my heart doesn't race. It's comfortable. But, it's working for me right now. He provides my nights that are free from Jane with familiarity, ease. And since he is busy with business until late in the night most other days, Jane and I still see each other just as much. Which makes the relationship with him the best I've had since I met Jane.

Usually, my dates interrupt my time with Jane. Which results in me prioritizing my time with her over anyone else.

 _Yes, I realize after you stormed out that I hadn't answered. I suppose if nothing else, you forced me to analyze my thoughts about marriage. What knowledge do you truly covet? My thoughts on one day, potentially, getting married? Or a marriage to Paul_?

Seconds later, I got her text.

 _In general, to Paul, to anyone. Just how you feel about it._

Why does this matter so much to her? Why does she keep asking?

 _I would love to get married someday, Jane. To someone who makes my heart beat faster when I see them or who sends tingles down my spine when we kiss. To Paul? I don't quite know. Maybe, in time, those feelings could develop. Why ask about him?_

Taking a few moments to refill my glass of wine, I sit on my couch again and pull a blanket over my legs. Picking up my phone, I see two new notifications.

 _You haven't found that with Paul?_

 _Do you want to those feelings to develop with him?_

I don't understand why all the questions! I don't understand why Paul is working his way into this more and more. Hitting the green phone icon, I put the phone up to my ear.

"Hello? Maura?"

She sounds tired, drained.

"Why all the questions about Paul, Jane? If you have something specific to ask, why not just ask it?"

I hear a groan as she responds. "I don't. I just want to know how you feel about him. If it's real."

"I told you! You keep asking the same questions! I don't know, Jane! Maybe, in the future, it's a possibility!"

"But, do you WANT to develop those feelings? God damnit, Maura, would you want to marry him?"

My breath catches as my heart vibrates in my chest. Why is she being so rude about this! And how many times do I have to tell her that I do not know!

"I. Don't. Know. Jane. Why does it matter?"

She pauses at my outburst, intakes breath. "I guess it doesn't, Maura!"

 **What do you think? Should I continue? I felt like I went around in circles a bit but I really wanted to convey Jane's one track mind and Maura's confusion.**


	2. Chapter 2

**My original thought of around 3 chapters has been pushed to around 5 chapters. I thought this chapter would cover more plot points then it did, honestly. Let me know what you think!**  
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 **Maura**

I hadn't talked to Jane in three days about anything other than work related topics. Which not only wasn't ideal but wasn't of my own accord, either. Part of me was frustrated with her but mostly I was hurt, as much as I did not want to admit it.

It was a hard realization that Jane could avoid me so easily. I saw her multiple times per day, as we worked together often. Each time I thought she would stay behind, make eye contact, or invite me over to her apartment- she didn't.

Not only was Jane not apart of my nights, Paul was out of town until Saturday evening. So, I spent each evening and night alone. Which shouldn't of bothered me nearly as much as it did.

That also brought up some emotions I don't care to feel. Before Jane came into my life, loneliness wasn't so much as a fleeting feeling as a permanent fixture. But, at least I was use to it. I am no longer accustomed to the long, lonely nights.

I don't spend my nights with medical journals and a bottle of wine anymore.

I spend them with Jane laughing at a movie and enjoying unhealthy take out.

No longer do I find myself talking to Bass the most about my life. No longer is my home always silent.

Except for the past three days. I asked bass last night if he missed the noise. It has only been 48 hours and my mind is racing. Why was Jane avoiding me? I know we had a disagreement but maybe I didn't realize that it turned into a full fledged fight? Regardless, I missed her.

I promised myself I wouldn't reach out first. I wasn't the one who started yelling about marriage. Who kept badgering about my thoughts and whether I wanted to marry Paul.

It was confusing and frustrating.

Did she view Paul as my potential husband? Did she have a secret suitor whom she wanted to settle down with? She definitely had a reason to be asking all these questions other than what she provided to me.

A light knock on my front door startled me out of my thoughts. I pushed the blanket off of my lower body as I got up from my chair. After unlocking my deadbolt and chain, I opened the door.

"I'm sorry."

Jane stood in front of me carrying chinese takeout and one of my favorite bottles of wine. Her hair was tied loosely into a bun and she was wearing her favorite BPD hoodie.

"Are you? I haven't talked to you in days other than about work and even more than that, you have paid me no attention, either."

Opening the door wider to allow her to come in, I heard her let out a breath she was holding. She went straight for the kitchen, flipping the light on and getting out two glasses. Popping the cork and pouring us full serving sizes, she responded, "I know, Maur, and I am sorry. I thought you would of been mad at me. I mean I came in your office like a crazy person yelling about marriage. I got frustrated when you didn't answer me and I took it out on you. It was all stupid and it was all my fault."

Taking my glass from her, I sipped the deep red liquid.

"I just don't understand. Why was it so important to you? If the questions and thoughts were merely fleeting, why put so much emphasis on the answers?"

Every human has a tell when they are lying. Jane's just so happened to be apparent to me right after we met. She tucks her thumb into a balled fist. So, when she went to respond to my questions and had already presented her tell, I knew whatever she was going to say next was not going to be the truth.

"I don't know, Maur. I really don't. I was just wondering, honest, I had been thinking about it. Just wanted to see where you were at concerning it."

"Concerning marriage and my thoughts around it in general or specifically about Paul?" I knew I had said something she didn't want to respond to when her eyes darted to her feet.

"Why all the emphasis on Paul, Jane?"

Immediately, Jane lifted her head to make eye contact with me. I could tell she was taken back by my bold question. I wanted this conflict to end and the sooner I started asking the hard questions, the better. I wasn't positive what the fight was even about.

"There isn't any on him, Paul I mean. I was just. I want you to be happy, okay? I wanted to know if a husband was something you were seeking. And I needed to know if you could be, would be happy if Paul was that someone."

Jane's words came out much like when she first asked about all of this in my office- fast and jumbled together. She was saying whatever came to her mind without censoring herself. It made me feel a bit uneasy.

"I still don't know that answer, Jane. I don't know if he could be, possibly. I guess I will have to do some self reflecting to find you your answer."

I could see that something I had said had resonated with her. Instead of being joyful I had given her a more clear answer, she looked disappointed. But, I enjoyed the easiness of my relationship with Paul. Had it always meant to be nothing more than casual? Perhaps. But, that didn't mean I wasn't enjoying him and our time together. Jane even seemed to tolerate him.

Did she think Paul was a good match for me?

As much as I had failed to think of Paul in my future, I had accepted Jane's place by my side years ago.

I simply had thought we would grow old and husband-less together. It wasn't so much of a back up plan than a sever acceptance of reality.

The likelihood of me finding a person that I would want to grow old with more than Jane was nearly impossible. All of these questions about marriage and Paul were making me think Jane didn't share my thoughts and feelings. And that wasn't a reality I am prepared to face tonight. Maybe Jane really did have someone in her life she hadn't told me about. Maybe she was preparing to tell me she was getting married.

My head began to ache.

"I really am sorry, Maur. Can we move on? I know there is a new Grey's Anatomy tonight and you love telling me how inaccurate it is."

Smiling at her, we made our way to the couch with wine glasses and take out in hand.

Friday night, I had found myself in familiar surroundings. After a long week of opening and closing cases, performing autopsies, and all the paperwork that goes with each case, we were at the Dirty Robber. Most Friday night's ended here, drinks enjoyed with friends and food ate while laughing. It had always made me feel included and apart of a team, tonight was no different.

The only thing that was different about tonight was our level of inherbirtation. We had all agreed to try five shots we had never tried before. Frankie's jackhammer shot was followed by Jane and I's pickleback. We had all done 4 shots when the bartender had asked if any of us had done blowjobs. After a snicker from Frankie and Jane, we had all agreed on making the shot our final.

"Ugh, I'm never trying shots again. Even though that pickle back one wasn't awful, the last one did not sit right in my stomach."

We had been walking out towards the cab when Jane had spoke up.

"I must agree with you with the exception of the pickleback. It was awful! I don't know how anyone would willingly drink that." Sitting in the back seat of the car, I said my address and we made the short distance to my home.

"Of course you didn't like it, Maur! You hate pickles! Pickles and whiskey, what more could you ask for?"

"You could ask for a better tasting shot."

Snapping her attention and body towards me, I looked at her also. Jane's cheeks were flushed from the liquor and her hair had seen better days, but she looked relaxed.

Which hardly happened. You always know what Jane is feeling by her expressions. Anger, empathy, and frustrated were the most common. Among the least common, relaxed.

"That was funny, M! Your jokes are getting much better." Taking a moment to finish her sentence, Jane laughed as her attention turned to what was just beyond the glass of the window.

An hour later, Jane and I had finished our night cap and were cleaning up our glasses. Within the last 10 minutes or so, the mood had shifted. Well, Jane's mood had shifted. What began as a laughter filled night cap ended in silence. It wasn't an awkward silence, it very rarely was with Jane. But, a silence nonetheless. I knew she had gotten caught up in her thoughts, so I began to move towards the kitchen to end the night.

Standing over the sink washing our glasses, I heard Jane enter the kitchen behind me.

"I think Paul would be a good husband for you. He could provide you with a safe, caring marriage. One day, I would imagine he would be a wonderful father too."

Turning around abruptly, Jane's emotions were once again written on her face. Instead of relaxed like before, uncertainty and a bit of sadness were there instead.

Shouldn't your best friend be happy if they think you have someone in your life you could settle down with? Start a family?

Jane looked anything but happy.

She looked inconsolable.

"Oh. That's good to know you approve of him so much, Jane."

Looking even more deflated than before I spoke, she turned and headed to the guest room for the night.

But, not before speaking quietly into the darkness of the hallway.

"Yeah, he is.. He's probably what is best for you, huh? Goodnight, Maur."


End file.
